Paying kids for chores- a big YES or a fat NO?
While I was sitting leisurely in a park one afternoon, I overheard this interesting conversation between a mother
and her son-
"Honey, can you please pick up the bottle for
your little sister?"
"Sure, Mom, how much will you pay me?"
"We will see later. Please pick the teether as
well, sweetie"
"Of course, for a loonie."
"These boys, I tell you, drive me loony."
She gave me an embarrassed smile and went away with her baby in a stroller and
her 6- year old boy.
The first thought that struck me was- this is a
typical case of allowance system for chores! I kept pondering- Is it right to
give allowance to kids? Is it OK to attach compensation with house chores? What
is a good age to start? If I don't, will I be different from other "much
aware" parents? What is a good amount? If, I pay on the conservative side,
will I be a scrooge for my kids? And, if I pay more, will I be turning them
into brats?
Once you become a parent, there is a lot of dilemma
around a child's upbringing and the right approach that will help them leverage
life skills. Obviously, you don't want to set the wrong precedents which might
look fancy at the start (when they are young), but will be equally difficult to
handle in later years when they grow up and start maneuvering us
around the set rules.
Compensating your kids for chores is
perhaps the biggest point of contention and has raised a lot of eyebrows in the
parenting world. While some vouch for it, others are totally against it! Some
parents believe in the paying mechanism to nurture a sense of responsibility
and financial budgeting in their kids, another set of parents postulate giving money
without any ‘strings attached’, while the third set of parents give credence to not paying at
all. It is difficult to decide which path will teach them the value of
hard-earned money and not lead them to getting things served in a platter. The
debate is unending.
Recently, I met two mothers who raise their kids’ on two totally different allowance philosophies: one says it is a must-do while the other condemns the thought, shaking her head left to right.
Recently, I met two mothers who raise their kids’ on two totally different allowance philosophies: one says it is a must-do while the other condemns the thought, shaking her head left to right.
Yes, I pay my kids for house chores-
“You know, there comes an age when children start
coveting stuff- for a small girl, it might be a Barbie doll she saw with her
friend in the park and for a teenager, a new video game in the market. These
are the times when they would look for an extra form of income to cater to
those needs. I always pay my 7-year old daughter for the chores she does. It
helps her understand the consequences of her actions regarding work. It is
simple- you don’t do your assigned work, you don’t get paid!
My daughter has realized the concept that
minimal work will earn her minimal resources. Also, it is very appeasing
to see how my little darling learns to budget her finances, while also gaining
a sense of appreciation for how much things cost. This system works perfectly
in our household. Parents do need to teach their kids the importance of
financial responsibility and that money needs to be earned, rather than it
being a weekly affair.”
No, I do not pay my kids for house
chores-
“We have always maintained in our house that the
whole family is a single entity- we work as a team. Nobody throws a buck if my
husband or I lay the table or clear the trash, then why should the kids be paid
for the same? At the end of the day, all members in the family should be
treated equal and therefore, disparity in house chores is also a no-no! (obviously,
there are some chores which are age-bound). Children should be cognizant of the
fact that money is never the driving force to help the family. I always tell
them that the whole family contributes and works together- not because we are
being paid, but because it’s part of being a family.
However, both our boys do receive a monthly
allowance, but it is not contingent on chores. We have set a fixed monthly
amount based on their age, and they get it on the first day of every month.
Now, it is for them to decide- whether they want to spend or save it (if yes,
then how much), but if they decide to spend the whole money on the first day,
they do not get it for the remaining 29 days. This gives them a sense of
managing their allowance so that it at least takes them through to the start of
next month.”
My Take-
There is nothing as right or wrong; whatever system
you decide to adopt in your household, it is important to remember that the
whole idea of parenting is to prepare our kids for the “real world”, to teach
them that money needs to be earned. It is important for them to realize that
every desire cannot be fulfilled instantly and also, that the feeling of giving
to those in need is very satisfying. In reality, one is not paid for cleaning
the cat’s litter or filling the water bottles. On the contrary, they will be
paid for their skill sets- management skills, salesman skills or handyman
skills.
Therefore, kids should acknowledge and respect the
fact that they are part of the family and simple household chores need to be
done by all. So, tasks like making the bed, clearing the toys in the room, or
cleaning the dishes should not be accounted for.
However, it is perfectly fine to pay children for
tasks that require more effort/time. One could prepare a list of ‘mutually
agreed tasks’ that will be compensated if done and stick it in a common area.
The list might include tasks like mowing the garden, washing the windows, or
babysitting. For smaller kids, you can make it more fun by collecting stars for
all the good-work done and evaluating the total stars at the end of the week.
The child can chose to monetize the stars in return of a toy/ treat
or can collect more for a bigger gift.
There are five pillars to incredulous money
management skills: Basic maths (to
count your money), saving (benefits of delayed gratification), budgeting
(admeasuring your money for different purposes), accounting (to keep of track
of your money) and goal-setting (for special targets). There
is no harm in awarding children with allowances, as long as the intent is to
teach them how to handle money responsibly. The way your children got the money
is not important; that will not make them money smart, but how they handle
their money when they have it with them, is what matters.
Age-appropriate discussions with your children
about household finances will also increase such skills. Times are gone when
money-talk with kids was optional. Curiosities around family finances were
either diverted or were answered in a manner so that the kids lost interest. In
today’s era, when teenagers are deciding their colleges or study loan, the need
to have conversations revolving around money, matters. As parents, this is the
best act of protection and parental guidance that we can commit to our children
so that when time comes, they are well equipped to handle and henceforth take
worthy decisions.
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